Friday, January 13, 2006

Prohibition approved in St. Pauli Girl

I'm no Dementee or Learned Foot, but let's give this a shot.

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The Saint Pauli Girl city council, with the support of the newly elected Mayor has outlawed the use of liquor in public establishments. A variety of reasons were given for this move, including public safety and health risks to those who don't use alcohol.

"Why should I have to risk my life on the road because someone else is coming home drunk from a local smoke shop. They should be forced to drink at home where they don't have to go anywhere.", stated a prohibition supporter. "I don't care about freedom of choice and the right of the market to control itself. We must take steps to protect society when enough people are making these poor decisions"

Those against the ban were furious!

"What right does the government have to control the use of a legal product that is the driving force of my business, stated Smokey Joe's Owner Cameron (Cam) L. Joe; "People come in here to have a beverage with their smoke of choice. Now they won't have any desire to go out and socialize with other patrons without being able to have the ability to sip on my wide assortment of cognacs and brandies. Several of my colleagues in Happenen County were forced to go alcohol free and tried nonalcoholic juice beverages. Some of them had to cut staffs and others had to close their doors permanently. Fortunately, Happenen County leaders rolled back the ordinance to allow for at least some smoke shops to continue serving alcohol.

A strong supporter of the ordinance, President Tamra T Toteler of MADD (Mommies Against Daily Drinkers) was clear in her support of the move.

"Our streets will be safe again without these daily drinkers polluting the roadways with their obnoxious and unsafe behavior. Furthermore, the incidence of smoke shop brawls and other dangerous activities in these environments due to drunk patrons has dramatically increased. We MUST protect the employees, who are forced to work under these unsafe conditions.", she stated

Phil Meop, the leader of the recently formed DAMM (Drinkers against Mad Mommies) proclaims. "This is a travesty. We live in a free market system, and to prohibit the use of a legal substance in a private establishment is preposterous. No one is forcing anyone to work in these environments. These employees knew the risks of working in these establishments when they applied. The government shouldn't be legislating away our freedoms. What's next, smoking? Like that'll never happen. Smoking causes far more deaths then alcohol ever will, why aren't they putting the pressure on the tobacco companies if their goal is to save lives and protect the citizens. The reason is because it would never work, and on one in their right mind would try to banish smokers. If for no other reason, the loss of those tax revenues would bust the public coffers."

Recent polling of local leaders does show that smoking in the city is relatively safe, however, there is a growing concern regarding obesity and a proposed ordinance to banish fast food from the jurisdiction is quickly gaining support.

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Bob 'The Lung' Moffitt sighting in 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . .


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